Despite what I might have done in past, I assure you I’m not an evil man. An evil man would enjoy doing these things. I don’t . It was just something that my sensibilities demand.
My driving belief is in respect. Respecting yourself and others is critical. I will respect you until you do something to lose it, at which point I will just walk away. I will never darken your doorway again. I think everyone has a duty to be as good as they can possibly be. Sure, some will achieve more than others, but so long as you try your best I will respect you. One word of caution; disrespect me and you’d better duck.
Next to respect, what I value most is loyalty and trust. I will never lie or be devious to those that have my respect. I am loyal to a fault, again to those that deserve it. Note the careful wording. If you lose my trust, then loyalty and respect are also off the table.
I have a strong belief in justice. Good things should happen to good people and bad things to bad people. I’m also old-fashioned. If you wrong me then you won’t have to worry about writs and court, but you’d better be very careful walking down any dark alleys. If I shake hands on a deal and it doesn’t happen, then check the death notices; my name will be there.
You went away.
Today I signed on a piece of paper that broke the link that I had with you. Perhaps it was already broken. The signature was the last ritual. I almost broke into tears as I put pen to the paper. But alas, I couldn’t. And I could see that you were happy. Happy to be promoted. Happy to succeed. Your ambition fuels you. If your ambitions are not fulfilled, you feel sense of loss.
And, yet you preach. You preach patience. You preach belief. You tell me to wait. Tell me honestly, could you?
I was disheartened. Totally. I can see the happiness. Did you feel bad even for a moment for me? Didnt you feel as if you are betraying me? And, the ignition. Lol..you took the bait – Hook line and sinker.
Today you demonstrated your priorities- you love your recognition more than you do love me. Imagine if I had done the same. You’d be nowhere. I reestablished you in front of SPSJ. Does MKB knows that I did all the job you proudly showed him as yours ? Do you think BSP would have won vayoshrestha without me ?
Sorry to puncture holes in your deflated ego, but you will learn one day that nothing works like grace. You know, often our actions results into reactions that are borne by our kids.
You says one’s locus should be internal. Hell. Is it yours? Yours is fully external. You are like a social butterfly who is enthralled at attention, who revels in it and fails to acknowledge her real source of strength.
May the almighty give sadbuddhi to you. May it fuel your ambition into a raging fire which consumes all that you love and hold sacred.
Good bye dear girl. It was good while it lasted.