I have always loved you. Is it important to know the history? How I came to love you ? or even a why?
Now it seems I had always loved you. Now it seems that there wasn’t any time when I hadn’t known you. Was it love at first sight. Probably not. Because it didn’t feel like that. But somehow during all these years (since I have known you) some connection that was there. You can call it whatever you like – infatuation or midlife crisis or FOSLA as you jokingly call it. But whatever it is, your big eyes captivated me for life. And, do the reasons matter? What would I do if I know the reasons today. Love was an accident waiting to happen. And when it happened – I suffered – insufferably.
Now why do I suffer? What do I want from you? What is it that I am suffering for ? I don’t know. Probably I want you all for myself. Probably it’s love – it’s that primal desire to Possess ? I really don’t know. May be I want to posses you completely – heart and Soul with nothing of you left for the world around you. Now I know that would earn me another tag of MCP from you. May be. May be I am the caveman. May be.
I know it’s wrong to think like that, but what to do? What I know today is that I am suffering. Now probably I know how fish feels out of water. Now I feel how you feel when you are captivated by the chains so strong that literally captivate your being. The future is no more a choice for me – it’s laid out there for me. The axe will fall and I will die.
The words in the confines of my chest will no more be there. They will find an expression. These unwritten love letters of mine will find a way. They will find the way just like life does – in the most extraordinary of the circumstances. The truth shall emerge. It has already many times from my eyes. Not from my lips. May be its time. May be.
So here I say – “I love you.” See I said it. “I love you”
I want to say this to you again and again. Till you are assured of it. I know you will see all sorts of trap in it. Ohh…and my love is pure. I want to be one with you. I want to take you in my arms and crush you to bones. I would kiss my way to your heart. I love every single second that I am with you with every fibre of my being. Whether you return this love or not is my choice. It can’t be. But that is what is your choice. Your choice no longer governs mine.
Love you always…